I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
