I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
