Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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