i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
