my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
