Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
