I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I need water and some morals
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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