well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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