But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
