your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
