Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
