I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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