There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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