threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
