Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
