I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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