I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I believe in your delicious
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
