I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
