She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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