Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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