We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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