and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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