I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
