your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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