i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
