i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
