non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
