so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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