We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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