question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What drink are we having for lunch?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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