Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
