you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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