oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
this will be a night to untag.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
