Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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