I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
