shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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