i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
