I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize