I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
