spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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