Having a random hookup so left but love u
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
