It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
