so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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