Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i now understand why vodka
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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