It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
