The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
