I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
