Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
