There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
