What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
