Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just had sex on a roof
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
