God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
