I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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