Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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