need another drink. this is the easiest way
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
