I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
how does that bad decision feel?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
