dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
