What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
