I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
