his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
