Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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