How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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