Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We need to get me chipped asap
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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