I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
