he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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