Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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