I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
