Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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