Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just found a bag of teeth...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
