Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
