I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
