I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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