If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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