i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
