There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
