Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
