I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
