the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
