is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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