Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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