i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
