Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize