He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
