can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
